What Lies Beneath

I've been thinking on the past lately, and how a lot of the experiences I have had make me apprehensive about moving forward in life. I have learned about myself that it is not so easy to bounce back after failures, rejections and disappointments.
Im not sure where I am suppose to pull the energy from to move on. The church says faith, the hood says its the grind, friends and family say the financial reward...I just can't see that. I can't see the forest for the trees and I feel like such a hypocrite because I will be the first one out here telling folks to follow their dreams, use their talents, be independent; but I don't and won't do that. Even when I know its almost impossible for me to fail.
Insecurity is a BITCH.
I never blogged or do open mic any more because I am not sure of my writing. I haven't cooked a decent meal in days. I haven't catered an event in weeks. I haven't been to school in years. I feel like this world is passing me by and I AM definitely LACKING MOTIVATION. Maybe it's some kind of horrible mid-life/ identity crisis. It seems my friends are doing so much, so well, for so long and enjoying it.
For me, right now, life is like a terrifying roller coaster ride that won't slow down, let alone stop for me to get off and enjoy the scenenarie .
Pray for me, Saints!

My Cousin Uncle Tom

Okay, I'm shooting straight from the hip today. I got some shit to say and very little time in which I am able to say it.
I want to vent about my Cousin Uncle Tom. Let me give you some side bar info about how my cousin came to be.
This guy marries my mom's first cousin about 16 years ago. He claims to be this big movie director, and uses that consistently as his claim to fame. He has not been involved in a major film since the Blues Brothers...can you all even remember back that far? I barely can!
So anyway, he rides THAT shit til' the wheels fall off and suddenly, no more movie "deals". He moves my cousin (his wife) out to the semi-burbs, you know, right in the middle of hood and richville, and begins this pompous life. Now remember, no "movie deals" so how is he gonna keep this shit up? He shucks and jives for some white folks and comes up on this classic car show opportunity. He becomes H.N.I.C. of that shit (with emphasis on the Nigga).
Currently, I have been unemployed so gracious Cousin Uncle Tom informs me that some other folks "working for him" needed some admin. help. Shit, I'm a hungry ambitious sistah so I took the offer. The sistah that I ended up working with for the majority of the car show prep time has been cool, but working for my Cousin Uncle Tom has been a MUTHAFUCKA!
That pretentious asshole, Cousin Uncle Tom, was consistently rude and disrespectful to me! He, like some of his white cohorts, refused to recognize me in public ( i.e. the other wealthy white folks) unless they were asking me to run an errand. He was just over the top with his shit, knowing that he knows better than to treat ME like that.
Needless to say, I am writing this post for the ASS WHIPPIN' that he deserved from me and didn't get because I know better, unlike him, than to show my whole ass in front of some white folks.
I am writing this for my Cousin Uncle Tom who ain't shit for how he treated me, his staff and anyone else under his thumb.
This is for my Cousin Uncle Tom's wife who he talks to like a child and disrespects on a regular basis and for their daughter who is permitted by her father to disrespect her mother.
My Cousin Uncle Tom is not a man worthy of respect or admiration and futhermore I am glad it rained on his car show for at least 3 hours! Bitch!

The Cruel tutelage of Cee a.k.a Nai a.k.a Felisha

Due to a tremendous amount of peer pressure and guidance, I have finally started this blog. It will be bland for a short while so be patient as I steadily but surely refine this effort.
I promise to give you candid and honest responses and sincere posts.

I sincerely want to thank Nai for her information sessions about blogging and all that it entails. I want to recognize Keish for ranting in a way that I can relate to in her "late twenties, almost thirty" perspective that almost ALWAYS SENDS ME INTO A HAIL OF HALLELUJAH AND AMENs. Also, I would like to appreciate Kelzz for putting me in check via email about having my own blog.

Finally, I want to send madd love to ALL the Bloggers that showed me love at the CHICAGO meet up and to Keish for being the ULTIMATE HOSTESS! That shit was the shit!

On that note. This is day one...anticipate more to come.

The Pic: VintageWoman in the "GO" at the pier. Didn't we have fun at the Taste yawl?